During a performance of a school play at the local theatre, a large crack suddenly appeared in the middle of the stage. As the performance progressed, the crack became bigger and bigger until it finally developed into a hole. Everyone else managed to avoid it but when young Johnny stepped forward as one of the Wise Man in the play, he plunged straight through the hole.
The audience gasped. Johnny’s father whispered to his mother. “Don’t worry, dear. It’s just a stage he’s going through.”
One day, a baby camel and its father had a conversation.
Baby Camel: Dad, why do we have humps on our backs?
Father Camel: Well, son, our humps contain the fat necessary to sustain us though all the days when we’re out in the desert.
Baby Camel: Oh, okay. Dad, why do we have long eyelashes?
Father Camel: They’re to protect our eyes from the sandstorms which rage in the desert.
Baby Camel: I get it now. Dad, why do we have big padded feet?
Father Camel: Because the sand in the desert is very soft and we need big feet so that we can walk on the sand without sinking.
Baby Camel: Thanks, Dad. So what are we doing in London Zoo?
A man was given the job of painting white lines down the middle of a highway. On the first day, he painted six miles. On his second day, he painted three miles. On his third day, he painted less than a mile.
The foreman was not pleased. “How come you’re doing less each day?” he demanded.
“Because each day I keep getting further away from the can of paint!”
What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?
Employer: Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?
Applicant: I should be able to. I’ve had eight different jobs in the past three months!
A man went to answer a knock at the door of his house and saw a six-foot cockroach standing there. Without warning, the cockroach slapped him around the face and ran away.
The following night, the man answered another knock at the door. Again, there was a huge cockroach standing slyly there. This time it bit him and ran away.
On the third night, the same thing happened again, but this time the gigantic cockroach kicked him hard in both knees before running off.
The man was so worried by this that he went to see the doctor. The doctor said: “Yes, there’s a nasty bug going round.”
A family were given venison by a friend. The wife cooked the deer steaks and served them up for dinner.
“What is this?” asked their young daughter. “Is it beef?”
“No,” answered the father.
“Is it pork?” asked their young son next.
“No,” said the father. “I’ll give you a clue. It’s what Mum sometimes calls me.”
“Spit it out, sis!” yelled the boy. “We’re eating asshole!”