Durians: The King of Fruits

Sub-Title: The Fruit That All Malaysian Obsess About and Like to Eat But I Apparently Dislike.

Now, if there is one thing that foreigners need to know about Malaysia is that Malaysians are crazy about their fruits. Malaysia is a breeding ground of fruits due to its various climates and also high average rainfall. Durians, rambutans, mangosteens, mandarins, you name it. All these fruits are high up in terms of Malaysian people’s respect. But there is one fruit that’s revered more than any other fruit in Malaysia: Durians.

These things grows on trees you know. People don’t pick them. The wait for it to fall which makes slowly walking under a durian tree especially dangerous.

Durians are green, spiky fruit that must be chopped and opened up to get the also light green and suspiciously similar to the shape of poop fruit. Durians also emit a strong and oddly hard to remove smell of thick sweetness that some people find unappetizing and smelly, which makes the shape of the fruit inside even more suspicious.

Those yellow things are the ‘nitrogenous waste’ of the tree, in other words poop. But finish the yellow fruit, plant its seed and another durian tree pops up after years and years and years of waiting.

The taste is… well, not for me to judge. As of the writing of this article, I haven’t touched, yet alone eat a durian for approximately seven years. Yes, that long. It has been so long that I have forgotten the taste of durians. Once upon a time though, I used to love durians. I would eat them whenever durian season comes (I’ll explain later). I used to eat them till my nose bled (durian has a body heating property which makes eating a lot a mustn’t do) but yet, I still ate it in the plentiful. Then there was The Incident!

What is The Incident, you readers ask? One day, I ate too much durian and I puked. Yeah, that was what happened. And since… The Incident, I never ate a single durian again, ever. Which is actually very bad also because this fruit is the King of Fruits. I mean, Malaysians really do like this fruit a lot that they treat it like a king, by which I mean a royal treatment in fruit terms is being eaten by the dozens. Whenever durian season comes, when people would invite me to eat durian, this is the conversation that ensues:

Person: Come on, Musha, eat this delicious, mouthwatering and luscious durian.

Me: It’s okay. I don’t eat durian.

Person: <look at me blankly>

Me: What?

Person: You disgust me! A Malaysian who doesn’t eat durian. <look at me blankly again>

Well, I may have exaggerated some(all) parts  of the conversation a bit but yeah, the conversation is along that line. But I take no heed, even after being compared to having a foreigners taste (not that it’s bad. I’m not racist). See how important durian is to Malaysians? I don’t eat durian, people don’t like to be friends with me.

Anyways, durians actually come in seasons. In fact, almost every other fruit in Malaysia come in seasons. Because we don’t have the four seasons, we replace it with season of the fruit. But how to calculate the coming of these fruit seasons, I don’t know. The thing that I know is when the seasons do come, people from all over Malaysia come home to their kampungs to eat this delicacy. For the whole period of the durian season, people will always find an excuse to come home to their kampungs every other weekend to eat as many of these durians as possible. The most amazing thing is that the news of the durian season is received through word of mouth, which is quite amazing considering we have so many technology to spread news more efficiently. Like I said, Malaysians are OBSESSED with durians!

Perhaps its because of the durians always threatening to hurt people by falling on top of their heads that makes people respect it. Perhaps.

Anyways, after an amazing word of mouth spreads to the whole nation that the durians have bloomed, families and friends alike gather round the ceiling fan (cause durians make you hot) and eat durians together in a show of unity and prosperity. Meanwhile, I get stuck in the bedroom because I don’t eat durian and I don’t like the smell of those durians. But foreigners, don’t let that stop you from trying durian. Who knows, you might even like it. Millions of Malaysians do.

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